April 25, 2012
Today is not a good day.
cack-handed
Awkward since 1984
Sam Russell
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Theiving and mimicry of the words, rants, pictures and creative material without asking me, the author of the endeavours, and getting it in writing is seriously frowned upon. Action will be taken if you're rotten enough to steal from me. And don't think I won't notice.
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April 25, 2012 at 10:48 pm
Im really sorry to hear that. But the way your feeling, is the way i feel on a day to day basis. Im struggling with the everyday so called life as some may call it. This past year has been a roller coster for me, being in and out the hospital wanting and thinking of doing harm
to my self. Im dealing with issues i should have delt with when i was alot younger. But it took something dramatic to happen to me to get to this point. Im pretty much ashamed of who and where i came from. Learning that i came from a fucked up family and i had no one to protect me with all that i went through . I question myself, why the fuck me? Why so much bad to one person? I wasn’t given a choice to be born and if i could i would choose not to be. This so called person name God, didn’t love me enough to keep me safe from all the men and boys that came into my life. Always being belittled and feeling like an object with what i have between my legs. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without seeing so much pain and hate towards the world. Now Im playing Dr and not taking my meds as prescribed. I’ve been very honest with my nurse practitioner and my therapist. I feel like there’s nothing for me to hide. I’ve been isolating my self these last couple of months and i know that’s not good for me. This week, I’ve been so short fused. My head and heart have been pounding so fast and so hard. I’ve been yelling at my kids and with my husband, i feel like choking him to death. He’s not being respectful to what i say and also with my body. He’s always touching me in a sexual way and doesn’t stop when i tell him to. Im to that point where Im so tried of everything and i want all those memories to go away and they won’t. I feel like Im dreaming and some day i will wake up from all the madness.
May 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm
I’m sorry you are having such a terrible time and that you felt you needed to expose your suffering by commenting on my blog.
I may have different circumstances to you, but I do understand the motions that are brought about through suffering; the anger and feelings of uselessness.
The only thing I can offer you is my love.
You aren’t alone in this life and if you are finding it too hard, it’s time to make it clear to everyone around you.
Be kind and gentle with your words; your family love you and the people who support you want to help you.
Please, try to find the goodness that I know exists in your life. I know it exists in mine even when I’m down and out, so it must exist in yours. Find it and nurture it. It is the only way you are going to experience the peace you desire.
And if you feel there is no goodness, I give you now, a seed from my own. This seed has come from my compassion and will find safe haven in you. It will protect you, send down roots, give you stability.
Grow, my friend. Don’t allow these things to hurt you any more. You have so many choices so choose to change and make things better for yourself and your family.
My deepest respects…
May 27, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Thank you!