When the morning comes, we will have faith again…

The art of learning any lesson is to get down off your horse and suck ‘it’ up. Of course it isn’t as cruel as it sounds (although sometimes it’s a trial).

How many years have passed? I’m still learning. I’m still learning that I need to let go not only of past hurts but also things that haven’t even happened yet – the notorious Future Worries.

I’m still learning that with every episode of insanity (for want of more apt term, although I’m quite fond of reclaiming it seeing as people are so terrified of it now) an episode of reprieve will follow; the disconnection itself is not the problem, but the feelings of dread and sickness are.

I understand, now that I’ve let off a little emotional steam, that it’s been several weeks since my last bout of ‘not on this planet’ which lends reason to why I’ve struggled with it for the past five days. Regularity breeds familiarity, breeds ability to cope? I’d not like to suggest learned helplessness.

(But why does becoming familiar with difficulty mean learning helplessness? I’m not helpless, I’m off my rocker and quite happy about it! It still astounds me how even the most subtle and apparently caring language can disable anyone who acts or exists contrary to the status quo; enrich your minds and read Foucault.)

Having been so long since the last time, I’ve virtually forgotten the ecstatic euphoria, the hunger to read and learn, the fascination with the shapes and colours of the world around me; the pink rose that looked like a sodden wedding serviette, the fence that was missing new paint in a very haphazard place that took on the shape of a cat and the old telephone poles that intersected the brilliant skies with their thick wires and housed jars filled with ancient, glowing insects.

And then the sudden thrashing of the mind as it begins to become too aware of the immediacy of the world. Coming back to a dull, unnoticing reality when you have spent days in stunning places free from worry and despair is a grim shock.

I don’t blame myself for having such a difficult time.

To return is to make a mental note detailing how to land on your feet:

• Always have herbal tea at the ready
• Don’t fear cancellations
• Keep warm
• Eat foods which bring comfort
• Read a book which confirms your reality
• Sleep lightly through the day
• Avoid television at all costs
• Listen to music that feeds your soul
• Become aware of the world again through the radio (BBC Radio 4 is my choice)
• Don’t rush back to socializing
• Re-familiarise yourself with pets as they are much more understanding that humans
• Have a cry if you need to
• Speak truth
• Ask a true friend to confirm love
• Harbour no resentment for yourself, or any other being

These things happen and I have a choice to make now that my head is clearing: shall I fall into misery or shall I sit gently, allow myself to recover and come through this more prepared for the next wave?

Interestingly…

… in light of the debates thrown up by Stephen Hawking, if god does exist and created the universe, does it even matter?

I’m listening to BBC Radio 4′s Question Time and one caller has just spoken about people following science, following religion etc.

But – people don’t follow science; science tells us not to have unprotected sex with strangers, it tells us not to smoke because it can kill us and it tells us to stop disforesting the planet because it’s causing massive problems, but we don’t follow these morsels of scientific wisdom.

So if we don’t follow science, even though we know it to exist and contain truth, isn’t it a little arrogant to believe that if the existence of god were to be proven, we would be obliged to follow?

There are X billion people on this planet and each one of us is different. Science, god, mathematics, language, philosophy and even the arts are homogenizing forces (without getting into a nasty muddle here) that betray the simple truth that everyone is different.

I think, personally, that any facet of human thought and creativity that allows this to be known and respected is a step in the right direction; anything that starts preaching ‘obey’ needs to be looked at carefully.

Of course this creates a bit of a pickle when you get onto the subject of climate change and the associated noise circling the issues. I believe we should protect our planet because despite science and god, this is pretty much the only one we have for the foreseeable future, which isn’t looking so rosy at the moment.

I also believe that there’s a need to separate ‘climate change’ from ‘environmental destruction’; we may not be responsible for long-term climate change, or evolution, and it’s very difficult to say that we are responsible for it because we might not have the complete picture. Records began when? 1700-1800? Do we know the entire history of our planet?

This may sound like I’m on the bandwagon with all those who are trying to derail the climate change movement, but I’m not. I simply think the language needs to be changed.

What we can be certain of is that we are responsible for environmental destruction; we de-forest, we plunder natural resources, we pollute water sources, we allow the spread of chemicals and toxic waste, we exploit animals for food and materials, we exploit other people for goods and leave them in poverty; we waste and ignore, we destroy our own foundations for momentary gain and profit.

These things have nothing to do with climate change; they have everything to do with us. And if this behaviour continues?

I doubt very much that the few who survive in the future once the earth is a barren dust ball, devoid of the complex eco system we’re only just clinging to now, they’ll be sitting there with a smug look on their face saying: “ah, but the world didn’t end because of climate change.”

My thinking is probably full of holes but that doesn’t stop me believing that we should take responsibility and look after ourselves, each other, the planet and everything that exists on it.